Tuesday, October 21, 2014

FOOD FOR THOUGHT ON TUESDAY



I saw this on tumblr and I thought, it's magically on point. 
This is an old poem by Neruda, and one of the first lines goes like, 
"Love is so short, forgetting is so long."




Saturday, October 18, 2014

BULLIED



I was bullied today. 

By Life.





Majority of the happenings this week seem to be shit. I've been containing myself well; calm and collected as I hoped. But I just feel the desperate need to get it all out here; it's like speaking up to a bully. "HEY STOP IT YOU LITTLE SHIT"

Never had I experienced such a bad week. Maybe that's why I've been calling out for Friday because Monday was never good to begin with till today.

Let's just start with yesterday's mayhem. Scheduled dinner with polymates at 7PM. Aaaaaand, I only got to dinner at 8:25PM. I waited for the cab around Funan at 645ish in the evening. The queue was not too bad but NO TAXI WAS WILLING TO STOP. Why? Why wouldn't you want business? Why isn't there enough taxis? Where are the rest of you cab uncles hiding? It's the town area. It doesn't make sense to not have a cab!

I tried getting hold of a cab through both Comfort and Grab Taxi app but to no avail. Last resort, UBER. Tried and hey, surprising, I got one! Thought things started to look up for me but hey, Life thinks it's funny to feed people with hope and then rob them from it. I texted the driver, "Hi my phone is dying. I'll be at the taxi stand. See you." He said ok.

Minutes later, I saw his car drove past me. He didn't turn into the taxi stand lane, which got me really confused. Didn't we agree to meet at taxi stand? Then I found out there're two taxi stands. Maybe he's heading to the other one. Quickly, I made my way there and he's not there. I joined the taxi queue. This one was a lot shorter but the amount of taxis stopping was miserably close to three over the span of 15 minutes. Impatiet, as it's already 715PM, I texted the driver, "Where are you? Saw you drove past me. I'm at opposite fire post" Sent. And my phone DIED. Never felt so helpless in my life. That just shows how reliant we are to our gadgets. I waited and waited and waited.... he finally came at 745PM. From 645ish to 745PM, I didn't manage to flag a cab. Didn't think it's possible huh? Everyone in the queue was getting really frustrated because the cab drivers were really selective and most of them were changing their shift. But thank God the Uber driver eventually came and got the stranded me onboard. Yes, I should have taken the MRT but I had waited for sooooo long, might as well, just all the way. It was worrying when my phone died. I was praying that my friends would all still be there at the restaurant. I only got there at 825PM and good news: they waited. Bunch of angels.

Then I received the receipt of the cab fare: $46.87 WHAT THE FUCK.


That beat my all-time record and never will I take Uber at peak hour ever again.

And then, there's today. I went for my usual dermatology session at Mount Elizabeth Novena in the morning. Didn't know the sun hated me with such passion that it had to repel me to prove me that. It started pouring soooo heavily the moment I stepped outdoor. No kind souls offered to share umbrella to cross the road (something which I'd do if I see someone stranded). 

I gave up waiting after a few good minutes. Walked to TTS hospital to get a cab. Thank God it's sheltered. It was less than 5 mins drive to Mount E Novena; plain stupid and a waste of money but I didn't have a choice, right? After my appointment, I had to rush to Lim Ah Pin post office to collect my parcel. Just when I had to call for a cab - it's still raining heavily, my 3G was gone for quite a while. I swore I could have snapped. Gritted my teeth, paced around and waited patiently. The moment my 3G came back on, I got hold of a cab to get me to Lim Ah Pin Singpost office (Irina's most hated post office)

The staff working at that branch are extremely complacent. I am aware how your organisation is so big and leading, and also seems like there is no other way to get my letters mailed except through your service but it simply disgusts me how cocky y'all can be about it. Service there is always so so slow. Today, bad service was brought to a whole new level. It is reflected on the collection sheet that post office closes at 1PM. I pray hard that they will be dedicated enough to their job and maybe won't be so slipshod and calculative about the closing hour. Worst fear came true. I got there at 1:01PM because every traffic light seemed to enjoy turning red at my presence. At 1:01PM, the door was already locked and metal grills were shut tight. There was no way to peek inside from the door. I went round to the windows. It was evident that the staff were DONE packing everything. It was only 1:01PM for God's sake, which means they started packing and locking the door earlier than 1PM - revoltingly disgusting. Standing pathetically outside, I peeked in, made eye contact with one of the staff, gestured and whined from the outside like a helpless puppy, hoping that they'd be kind enough to offer a caveat.... 

She took a glance and nonchalantly signalled me to go away. 

As a service provider organisation, it is nowhere near honourable or ethical to not keep your words to START closing at 1PM. Okay maybe I have interpreted such information differently or wrongly, should you start closing at 1PM or do you make sure you're closed by 1PM?? If it's the latter, you guys are surely some calculative little fuckers. It is absolutely inconsiderate for something of such importance service to the society to do. Ok, let's move on from company branding so that I don't get started on staff training, how about just basic human manners?  

M'am, I believe you're a mom? Was that exemplary, you think? Could you have been nicer? How would you feel standing on the other side getting chased away like no human feelings should be taken into consideration because going home and having lunch with family is of utmost importance than anyone's? Wait, don't get me wrong. I don't disagree that quality time with family is important. Just thought, you could have gestured nicely or mouthed, "sorry... closed" and maybe give me a gentle shoulder shrug. That would have felt a lot more respectful and sympathetic than your shabby attitude. 

That was not the end of my bad experience. Had enough of cab driver, so I thought I should try taking a bus home since it's only 5-10minutes away. Guess what? The bus driver 80 drove past me today with no care, as if my day wasn't bad enough. I stood right in front of the door and he feigned ignorance. I was 100% sure that he saw me getting up from the bus stop seat and walked towards his bus. We even made a brief eye contact. I waited for the door to swing open but it didn't. The bus moved forward slightly. I thought, ok maybe I could board the bus at the front. No. He drove forward, he drove straight and he drove off. WHAT THE FUCK is wrong with humans today? 

I get that it's Saturday. Yes. It's the weekend. I love the weekend too. If you're not happy about working on the weekend, that is something you should deal with internally. You really don't have to take it out on others. I could have let all my anger out in small despicable ways I wanted - not letting elderly having their seats on the bus, not giving cab uncles small tip, not greeting people with smile and walk around with plastered long face - not the best examples, but you get my drift. It's just as simple as being more.... empathetic. Put yourself in others' shoes. If you're the one sending this parcel to someone who'd looking forward to it, wishing that they get it asap, and knowing that they got rejected at the door because the staff wishes to go home asap. How would you feel about that? 


Write a complaint letter to them? Na-ah. 
They're so confident, they'd only want a compliment from you.


Sigh. Ok. End of rant. 





Friday, October 17, 2014

SUBSEQUENT LOVE MIGHT JUST BE BETTER THAN PREVIOUS


So how do I do this again? How do I start an entry without sounding too abrupt?

Maybe for starters..... a short confirmation that Irina is still Irina. She still stands by the principles she believes in. Bruised with life experiences from the past month(s), her views might be much broader now with more varied perspectives.

And before I fill you guys with updates, I just have to point out how incredible you guys truly are. I'm more than impressed by how patient you guys have been, so so understanding and supportive with my hiatus. I'm actually proud that my readers embody such attractive qualities. Simply brilliant human species. Thank you.


Yoohoo, I'm Attached!



Haha. Yes. Unexpected. This news shouldn't be new to you if you've been following my updates on Instagram and read the previous entry. I just want to make it official and thought it'd be nice to share this with y'all. Ain't too sure what to disclose at the moment and where to start, so let's just talk about the elephant in the room: my new relationship status. I've been penning my thoughts here since forever; significantly more personal from the time I found my first love to the time it ended. And here's to second love.


Many say second love triumphs the first. I can't vouch for that yet, but I can see why it can be true. Disclaimer: I'm not imposing my reflections on you guys nor am I implying that the assumptions I made are applicable to everyone but I'm just trying to make a point that if I, the smashed, the tragically imperfect and the skeptic at love could have another go at it again after the damage I experienced from previous relationship, second love could make you feel like anything is in fact, possible. 

It feels a lot more real, a lot less pretentious. I'm not insinuating that it was previously but you know how girls (and guys too!!) are like with the ideals they have in their head. A lot of time guys and girls unknowingly drown each other with their own set of unrealistic expectations and the relationship evolves to become.... something else. Going back to real, I had the thought of keeping this relationship entirely to myself without broadcasting it to the world. If you've been a long-time Irina reader, you'd have realised how much I've cut down on the mushy posts. I thought what potentially spurred me on previously could be the pressure from people. "If they think we can make it, maybe we can and we should stay together" without realising human tendency in comparing their insides to people's outsides. What's on social media is merely a choice of depiction. Now, without your head waaaay up in the air after having a better understanding of what fits in a relationship, you stay rooted and clearer - a lot more aware and in control of the situation and yourself. 


Second love will test your tolerance for change. It feels a little like getting onto bicycle after not riding for years. You'd feel rather shaky and very unsure of your own ability. After all, you were told that you were the defective one in the relationship. How should/would you react to this new pair of hands that's gonna keep you safe? Would the slight differences matter or are they too jarring for your comfort? The size of the palm. The lines on the palm. The texture of the skin. The temperature of the hand. The intensity of the grip. Loving an unfamiliar body might leave you feeling disorientated for a while. Aaaaaaaaand of course, you'd get over it. Loving someone is like riding bicycle; a skill you'll never forget. You'll eventually learn and get used to the quirks of the other and try to embrace them all. Slowly, you'd realise how amazing you are to be so accepting towards the different people you love and loved at the various phases of your life and how that's a reflection of your personal growth. 


He's over at UK pursuing his degree now. I'm dealing with something I never thought I would. I guess that's what love does. It pushes boundaries, and that includes getting you waaay out of your comfort zone. I wouldn't say long distance relationships are the best thing ever but you learn a few new things besides getting better with Skype or FaceTime features. You learn how to fight. Fights where you can't slam the door or tune the other person out or deal with it later - you've to communicate effectively because all you've got is silence on the other end that stretches into sorrys. Through the heartbreaking process, you will also learn to fight back the tears during late night webcam sessions because all you can think about is the countdown that only seems to get longer with time. 


What I am trying to get at is ultimately, your subsequent love might just be better than the previous. It doesn't matter what's lost; what matters is how brave you're to have had love and able to love again after the heartbreak. Others do not define your ability to love. You, only you do. 
And that's a pretty powerful thing. 


7th December. 
Can't wait to see your face at the Arrival Hall.




Goodnight.


Saturday, August 23, 2014

HIATUS





Hi guys, I guess I'm back (briefly) from the unannounced short break I decided to take. This is just a really quiet comeback. For those who're still checking this space, I am extremely grateful for your loyalty. It does feel a little weird to be writing again, after being liberated from this space for awhile. I've been fine-tuned to pen academic research papers, hence I might sound a little distant. Adjusting the writing appeal from factual to emotional feels a little unfamiliar right now, I'm getting rusty haha.

School was rough. If you hadn't known, I'm currently doing University of Buffalo's Bachelor Degree in Mass Communications in SIM. Many gave off the impression that breezing through SIM is very much possible because it's easy but in all seriousness, no. I honestly don't think it is anything like what is stereotyped, well, at least not for my course. With the experience from prior tertiary education in Ngee Ann poly, I still don't think it's thaaat easy. Or maybe I'm just hard on myself. I want to do well. School weighs a significant lot of importance than many other things in my life.

School break started on the 14th and the new semester will begin on the 25th. That's.... in 2 days time. I am not looking forward it at all. The stress accumulated from previous semester hasn't dissolved entirely. I'm only half-charged and yet, I've to go at it again (?!)

This break, I went back to Bangkok (my favourite escapade) again. This time, with Yi Ming, someone I'd (maybe soon) introduce to you guys. And did a lot catching up with precious friends over the past few days since my return. It is true what they say, time gap don't exist between true friends. Naturally, you pick up where you left off.

Alright, I shall stop here now. I'm still getting used to this; connecting to you guys all over again. Gonna get some rest and have a blast at Shamo's birthday party tmr! Look forward to my insta posts yeh, the employment of my least awkward medium heh heh.

I sincerely hope you guys have been well while I was away.


Saturday, July 12, 2014

TICKINTORQUE


Advertorial


Wood-watch! How cool is that?
Never a watch-person but Ticktorque's self-manufactured watch complements most of my outfits so well with its neutral and earthy colours, I love wearing it as an accessory (cause my ultimate clock is still my phone). Besides all the good stuff like how it is made with real bamboo wood and genuine leather, Tickintorque provides engraving services on their leather strap - yes, so personalised!!!

With that said and all superstitions aside, I think Tickintorque's watches make a real good gift for friend/boyfriend/girlfriend/loved ones *yipee*



Friday, July 04, 2014

IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAY


Today, I've something good to share!!! The wonderful Essensuals Bugis has decided to thank the people around them for their continuous support and that includes YOU. They'll be rewarding ANY three of you (who's currently reading this) to win absolutely attractive prizes!!!!!!!

First of all, lemme go about talking a little about my over exaggerated hair transformation.

Yes, I.... in the salon made a mountain out of molehill. I asked Glenn, my stylist so many questions filled with fear and paranoid simply because I've NEVER gotten out of comfort zone or actually never gotten anywhere with my hair. For all the time I've visited Essensuals Bugis, it's so typical of me to colour brown - according to Glenn, I've covered all shades of brown in the colour sample book hahahahaha. 

Why wasn't I adventurous with my hair? 

1. I had to seek permission for hair plans
Yes. Permission. Being contracted to an agency means surrendering your being to management. Hair is the crowning glory of a woman so it's an essential tool to clinching jobs. Any self-modification changes has to go through the agency for approval. This is detrimental because..... for instance, client has always known that model for her brown hair and just nice she fits the next shoot they're planning for. Client calls agency up and books the models. Model shows up in red or different coloured hair. Client would FLIP. First, this reflects poorly on the agency's reputation. Second, obvious poor communication between model and agency. Third, utterly unprofessional. 

If there's any drastic change in terms of hair i.e. the length, new photos have to be taken to update portfolio and composite card (something like a model's name card). It's a lot of trouble just for hair therefore we usually need to consult our agents before making any hair plans. And I'm so used to my hair being under the control of my agency, it's never occurred to me to do anything drastic in terms of colour as it'll cost me my jobs. The time I cut my hair short (above shoulder length), was a decision/suggestion from someone notable in the industry. For something I've never learnt to make decisions for and calling my own shot on it now, it's like baby birds learning how to fly.

2. My hair was not healthy to begin with
From all the shows and work I've done, constant hairspray, teasing, direct heat contact etc., my hair is definitely not in the state where I can afford any more damage....... till Essensuals Bugis nursed it back to health hehehee :') 

3. Most clients ain't adventurous
If I'm an European girl with a coloured hair, many would perceive me as cool and praise me for my individualistic character. However, being an Asian doesn't give me that sort of advantage and I'm pretty sure having colored hair equates to not getting runway/high fashion jobs.



Why the sudden change in decision?
I'm quitting my agency. With school and everything going on, I rather call my own shot and manage my own erratic schedule. Having control of what I can do and what I cannot do, just feels more comforting. Of course it is tougher also to handle everything myself now, since I'm used to having people doing it for me. Though so, I feel a lot more carefree right now despite the weights on my shoulders.... like my body and being now belongs to me. And, I do not have to care about my measurements as much as before.


This subtle green, to me, signifies the rebellion towards the system and new-found freedom. 

NOW I CAN'T WAIT FOR YOU GUYS TO HAVE YOUR OWN SPECIAL HAIR TRANSFORMATION!!!!!!

We would love you gift you with:
1. $30 worth Essensuals Bugis vouchers
2. Professional hair care & styling products
3. Membership card!!!

How to take part:
1. Simply complete this sentence, "I love Essensuals Bugis because....." below with an email for us to contact you (remember to be outstanding!)
OR 2. You can simply tag us (@essensualsbugis and @irinatyt) in any of your Instagram photos! Caption to complete the sentence #loveessensualsbugis because..... otherwise it's invalid! 
3. ALL ENTRIES SHOULD BE IN BY THIS WEEK! So hurry hurry guys~



LOOK FORWARD TO YOUR GLORIOUS & HEALTHIER "CROWN" HEHEHE!


Wednesday, July 02, 2014

SOMETHING OFF MY CHEST




I take time off to blog because I think it's imperative for you guys to understand the recent change in my lifestyle to avoid any further misunderstandings in future:

1. My Schedule is Madness

I can barely breathe. Not kidding. If you've been following me closely on Instagram, you would have known my tests ended few weeks back and guess what? Next week, there will be another wave of tests. I'm sooo.... drained. On weekends, I barely have time for myself anymore. To juggle school, work, family, friends and miscellaneous activities is simply not easy. I really would like to cut down on my work frequency. Currently working 2-3 days per week; allowing work to suck remaining of my soul, leaving none for revision when I get home. Me being me, I often feel bad rejecting gigs; knowing that they need me for the launch of next collection. I clearly need to learn how to say no.


2. I Am Not Perfect

Finally encountered my first conflict with a client when it comes to dealing with adverts. I've met really really (I wish I can stress enough how nice they are) online store owners whom have shown me ample amount of mercy, understanding and empathy towards my crazy schedule: Joyce from Its Hatched and Clara from TickinTorque. They're the best, really.

I was supposed to meet an advert deadline last Sunday but I didn't; simply because I was so overwhelmed with assignments and personal affairs. I packed my apology with sincerity and remorse and the response I received was of a huge contrast to the usuals. I was rather surprised by the retaliation of unprofessionalism. I understand that it is only right to be angry at an irresponsible influencer who didn't deliver what she's supposed to but ultimately, for someone who's running a business and also a fellow human, it wouldn't hurt to show some empathy and practice interpersonal skill to maintain good relationship for the health of the brand she's representing. If I could, I would have delivered the photos for the advert. Why would I stall on purpose? I was so busy I didn't even have the time to open up the goddamn parcel. All in all, I'm very much engulfed with guilt. I refunded the money because I couldn't stand wallowing in such unnecessary stress. 

For a collaboration to be a success, a healthy working relationship is very much needed.


3. School is Top Priority

As of now, if you would like to engage any form of my service, please understand that school will definitely triumph over anything else (except personal emergencies). I could have declined gigs but maybe, the ambitious and the willingness in me to help overestimated my competency in time management. Do not, let me reemphasise, do not approach me if you need whatever required to be done in a hurry or by specific deadline.



Ok. I've said it all out here. Black and white. Take your own risk, guys.
Irina, back to Psychology revision.






Monday, June 23, 2014

PROLOGUE



I wish I had a someone who would observe me silently, who would capture all my habits and quirks, and still love me. Someone that would get lost in how my fine features define my face, while smiling or crying, and still love me.
— Elay Neal Moses




This foreign yet once familiar set of feelings I am about to allow into my system, I contemplate. I am afraid. The way my eyes linger on you got me a little worried. How much am I supposed to let myself go; to fall. Also at what speed is considered safe for the protection of my heart; in the case of emergency retreat?

Most importantly, are you going to be responsible for my feelings?



Thursday, June 12, 2014

SINGAPORE KINDNESS MOVEMENT

Paid Ad


Hey guys, here's briefly what I did the Friday before, 30th May:


Yes, I attended my very first event as a blogger. I enjoyed myself thoroughly and I'm not saying it because I have to be pretentious in this paid ad but seriously, I learnt more than I think I would... Who knew we actually celebrate Singapore's Kindness Day annually? It's quite an experience to be contained in a place where everyone wishes the same for the world, to be a better place with kinder souls. 


With this year's "A Nation of Kindness starts with ONE" as the theme, Singapore Kindness Movement aims to encourage the innately kind Singaporeans to step out of their comfort zone to do good. Fear no judgment and judge no one in return. We are often afraid to be seen as a busybody because of our parents' lingering advice: Don't be kaypoh (nosey)! The repercussion of parents' effort in teaching us to be street smart unknowingly caused an immeasurable amount of wariness and skepticism in us towards people, fearing any possible ill-intentions.

Instead, let's lower our guards. Let's help whoever ever in need, for you'll never know when your family members might need help from strangers too. Help a granny to cross the road, for someone might do the same for yours. Give up seat to someone who needs it more, for they might do good for your loved ones too someday.

(this is one hella tear-jerking commercial)

The event was held at Shanghai Dolly, Clarke Quay. I wasn't expecting much but it turned out way better than I expected! The turnout was fantastic! In fact, I struggled for a while looking for seats ha ha. The crowd was enthusiastic. Their energy level was high, which was very much further amplified by the performers later on.

I've heard so much about Hossan Leong and Dim Sum Dollies but I've never actually seen their performance live. Thanks to Kindness Day SG, I've finally got a glimpse of how good they really are at what they do!!! They cracked us up so bad with their naughty and cheeky jokes! I've included snippets of the highlights in the video above but yknow... video is a video, it's always different to catch a performance live. If you haven't watched them live, I urge you to. If you love dirty jokes, Dim Sum Dollies is a must *wink wink*

Sidetrack: Irina doesn't own a proper camera which explains the low-res video and photos in this entry due to the surrounding's unfavourable low light exposure. Now I'm toying with the idea of a new camera hmm....... so tempting
The pretty little yellow gerbera daisy we had on us symbolizes our appreciation towards kindness we've received

Being kind doesn't entirely revolve around charity and monetary contribution to organisations but you proactively doing good in a small scale. Let's not look at the big picture. Think small. A hello. A smile. A little gesture to make someone's day better. The current act of kindness I'm paying (rather close) attention to is this mysterious movement by #loveothers14. These secretive anonymous angels behind the hashtag have been going around doing good and making people's day. Here are a few of examples of what they did:



Be a part of goodness by #kindnessdaysg and #nationofkindness in relation to any kind acts witnessed/experienced
Like Singapore Kindness Movement on Facebook or follow @kindnessSG on Twitter to receive more updates on everyday goodness now!!!



All in all, let's just take care of each other
*hugs*



Tuesday, June 10, 2014

I'M TIRED



I've exactly one week to study before my two papers next week. I just bought a new Epson printer and wasted a good four hours tryna figure how it works and still, it only prints blank pages (fucking lil' shit). I am currently still mad pissed. I know I won't be able to absorb anything from the textbook so I decided to write a little something here even if it doesn't make sense.

I hate how a simple event could easily trigger my entire system to feel so awful altogether. It's probably accumulated from The Fault is in Our Stars. I'm not a fan of that movie, really. It awoken too many unwanted dormant feelings and I've no idea how to deal with them. So they remain suppressed. I wish I bawled like a child in the cinema like how some girls did but instead, I stared intently at the screen hoping for a better ending.

I don't know where I'm going with this but yeah... I'm gonna get some rest now. Hope your day was better than mine. Goodnight.



P.S The comments on the previous entry, I promise I'll get to them when I have the time to


Friday, May 30, 2014

BOOB-TALK


The title intrigues you, isn't it? Because, sex always sells.

Yes, out of nowhere today, I have decided to talk about breasts. It's not an advert but just a little rant that's been on my mind. I usually discuss about the common emotional insecurities we often have but never the physical. Despite being heavily-influenced by media, I want to allow myself to see the beauty in every human being. I wish my brain will not be so quick to detect and specifically pick out the features deemed beautiful for me because of the media it's been fed with, instead let my eyes discover the beauty itself. I am not a fan of how we've been wired to selectively pick what's beautiful and what's not since young, by the things we see on television, magazine, billboards and the people around us. In short, we've "brainwashed". 

Just like any other normal girls, there are days when I'd compare my body to someone else's. There are just days when I don't feel too good about myself either. No one, I'm 100% sure, no one feels completely sure about themselves anyway and that's the truth about life. If it makes you feel any better, you're not the only one worrying about your insecurities. I too, worry about them. And that's okay. Facing each's own set of insecurities is just like having the need to cry. You have to let it all out. You need to acknowledge what you think is ugly and embrace them. If you can't make peace with your own flaws, you'll never feel comfortable about yourself.


I like lean and slender body with small classy breasts like the ones I own but media and people often make me feel otherwise. Sometimes I wish I'm not born Asian just so I can embrace my body better than I can as an Asian. In my very humble opinion, just like how Marilyn Monroe is regarded as the sex symbol because she's fuller and curvaceous, Kate Moss or any other woman of the same size should also carry the symbol of free-spirit and liberation. I like lean and slender bodies with small classy breasts because I've been told beautiful things don't seek for attention -quoted from Secret Life of Walter Mitty.


Then again, studies have shown how humans tend to find their own or people whom they love facial/body features more appealing than others. One of the plausible explanations for is that our brains naturally register the constant exposure we have to these features hence we find them aesthetically comforting to look at. Like how certain food reminds us of home and that is how it is for features too. Aaaaand possibly because of that, I tend to view women of my category much more appealing than others because I wish for my beauty to be recognised too.

I wanna feel okay being Kate Moss because people tend to prefer Angelina Jolie anyway. I love both of them to death but I hate how they both stand for two very different definition of beauty. I love my body but having to deal with the thought of convincing/hoping someone would love me or my body as much as I do is hard. The society has made most men obey this particular set of women perfection ideals since young. Sometimes straying from those ideals or being a little different, could easily make women be seen less.

So if you're wondering what's one of my insecurities among the many other, it would be -wanting to feel okay being Kate Moss but at the same time, I wish I am born Angelina Jolie to feel like more of a woman in this society. I'm just torn between these two beauty ideologies. And because there's no right or wrong to this, it's a real eternal struggle.


I'm not sure if I've made sense but life is just a fucking beauty contest.
Nonetheless, love yourself because you don't need anyone else.




P/S Unknowingly I just altered your definition of beauty a little by feeding you with mine sorry


Wednesday, May 21, 2014

I AM STARTING SCHOOL SOON!!!


Yes guys! Sorry, I've been keeping it a secret for quite some time because I wasn't sure if I was entirely sure.... But now that I know I am almost 75% certain (and that school is starting), I guess it's imperative for me to share such a huge piece of news with you guys hehehehe ^^


The next milestone of my life will take place at SIM University of Buffalo!!!!!!! I'll be conquering Bachelor of Communications. For how long? I'm still uninformed about that. Information on exemption will only be disclosed on the first day of school (26 May)!!!!!! *omg* 

I went for the school briefing today and I've met some people from my course. With this vague introduction and interaction with a few, I sincerely hope my first day wouldn't be as bad as I imagined. I had a good vibe of the batch and they all seemed rather nice. I mean, yeah it's probably too soon to judge but I made a friend today *yay* and I guess one is sufficient (for  now right?) haha. It's always comforting to have something familiar to fall back on in times of doubt. I'm sure that one precious friend will come in handy on the first day. No matter how old we get, it's still in us to seek comfort from another being. No one is ever too strong for occasions like that.

Little did I expect, (though my friends already warned me) to meet people whom already "know" me. It's flattering and Singapore just proves herself to be smaller then ever. I am always intimidated by the idea of meeting people whom already have an impression of me (now you know why I'm concerned about the flea) because I struggle with the fear of not being able to meet the expectation of the Irina you paint in your head. Everyone of you holds a different idea of me from the information I choose to disclose and because of that, the real me might seem a little far-fetched from what I've portrayed.

I am nothing like my Instagram. I'm... a lot more human and real, with a little goofiness yet packed with whole lot unglam moments. So if you happen to be my classmate and I appear to be different than what you think, I'd like to apologise beforehand for the disappointment I unknowingly caused. Though so, I assure you I'm pretty fun to be around hehehe.

Besides all that, I haven't been well-rested since I got back from Bangkok. My schedule's rather.... hectic. I forgo the UB orientation camp (20-22 May) which is supposed after the school briefing today, because I've too many things at hand to deal with and I've to clear them before school starts. Else, I don't know how I'm gonna juggle.


Yeap, that's about it to this short update! 
More posts coming up soon, I just need more time hehe.


Sunday, May 11, 2014

HERE COMES THE....



.... unrelated overdue photos in my phone haha. I need to be more consistent on my life updates here, without feeling complacent that most of these are already on Instagram. Anyway, I hope you guys have been well. It's Mother's Day today. And my mom's away haha. It's pretty shit to sit at home and scroll through Instagram/Twitter/Facebook feed and look at all the lovely photos you guys are posting haha.

It's depressing that I can only wish my mom's here so we can go out on date like everyone else haha. I'm whining like I'm loverless on Valentine's Day, gosh. Then again, we celebrated in advance last week. I got my aunt, granny and mom whatever they wanted. Pretty thankful that I saved enough and started wayyy earlier so I am not damned-ass broke now. I've got 3 ladies to please so it's imperative that I plan months ago haha.

So yeah, let's start the usual rounds of updates!

1. iLIGHTS WITH ZACHARY

What is iLights? Till today, I'm still not very sure what it was but it seemed like a pretty cool temporary light exhibition. The entire trail was made of light displays which I believed had something to do with Earth Hour(?) Something ought to be done about educating people behind the purpose of it else.... objective not met, isn't it? The setup was really nice and creative. Things like that always fascinate me so I couldn't give it a miss and so glad I made it on the last day.

Who is Zachary? I'm sure some of you would wonder and ask because there'd be some pretty misleading photos so let me clarify that Zachary is my poly friend. We were in the same elective class. We worked on several projects together. We were close. We even spoke about travelling together and all, but they just never happen. We stopped contacting for a bit and got back in touch recently so we caught up over iLights.

Pasarbella had a pop-up thing ongoing outside MBS. It complemented the entire place really well.
I almost wish they'd base there forever.
The very much raved about Omakase burger which I personally don't see what's the hype about
HERE'S A TIP TO IMPRESS SOMEONE: Get your friend to stand directly opposite you in this.... massive round thing outside MBS. And whisper across to your friend. Whisper. Trust me, your friend will be able to hear it as long as he/she's directly opposite you. So y'allllll... if you've a confession to make but too shy, you can do it this way hehehe so cheesy maigawd.
The uncle's damn cute cause he honestly thought we were an item.
This board changes with different lines every few seconds. I jumped in for a photo and guess what I got? Hahahahaha. It's pretty apt I'd say.
And the couple below had the best line ever hahahaha
On our way back, Zach and I saw this couple. As we were having conservation, my eyes naturally set on them. There wasn't anything else to look at so I started to observe them. They fell asleep so quick within minutes onboard, I was in disbelief. The couple was discussing about something. As she checked her phone, they instantly... INSTANTLY fell asleep. My heart gave way. What kind of tough odd job do they have to survive like this; being this exhausting, going home this late.

Zach suggested to pass them some money. This was when the dilemma came in. What was the morally right thing to do.  Was giving the excess to someone else an act of kindness or pity? Money has always been a sensitive issue, hence the root of all evil. It's tough. As the mini debate went on in my head, Zach stood up and approached the sleeping couple. I couldn't help myself and I held him back. I stopped him. I just couldn't let him go any further. Simultaneously, her phone dropped and they woke up. Till today, we weren't sure if it's a blessing in disguise.

What if we didn't take that long to decide and manage to leave them the extra cash, would their lives have been better for that week/month? What if they refuse.... in a rather defensive way? The struggle was real. We wanted to help so badly yet we didn't know what to do. They looked like they could seriously use some help. While all these were going on in our head, they alighted at the very next stop. 

Zach and I sat there wide-eyed. Seconds later, we thought about rushing out to pass them the money and... at the same time, decided not to. Till today, I battle with the unintended regret. Was it rational of me or was it the lack of courage to make a difference? Is it bad to hold myself back in such situations? But seriously who would say no to extra cash? I know I wouldn't. Why do some people make the world so fucking hard to read and complicated. Sigh.


2. WORK

For those who've followed me closely would have known I was busy with work in the earlier month, April. So much so that it was almost back to back working and it's rather exhausting though very much fulfilling. I didn't think I've so many photos to show. Putting them together now is like, woah that's quite an amount so yeah here's a category to 'Work' itself. 

When you do something often enough, you get so used to it. It didn't occur to me to take photos as often as before. And when you're the only model who's doing that, you'd look really amateur -being so easily excitable by clothes, shoes, makeup and all- haha. So yeah.

Ok... Being in this line, being immune to good-looking people, it's rare for me to gush about good-looking guys. Good-looking doesn't equate attractive. It's not easy to spot attractive guys, really. And this season, ain't I lucky to find one hahahaha.  This guy here, in the stealth photo I took, yes he's charming as hell.
Getting a wig is always fun for shows
This was probably when the caffeine effect was at its peak.
Gwen (my soulsista) went to support and watch me stomped down this long ass -approx. 1.2km from Ion to Paragon and back to Ion- runway in heels. She tried taking a few snaps but yknow.... you can never get a decent photo from a fashion show unless you're equipped with dslr haha. So that above is Daniel and I'm... in the photo below. It's really hard to tell us apart on the runway when everyone looked pretty much the same with the similar wig on.
With all the hardwork in April, I'm rewarding myself to a holiday this coming Tuesday!!!! I'll be going to Bangkok from 13-18th!! So if there's anything you'd like me to buy, you can drop me an email with attached photos and maybe I can help you search for it. And then, you can get it from me at the flea ;-)  But of course, no promises guys. Only if I happen to see whatever you're looking for, I'll try to fulfil that favour yeah.


3. MADE BY LAUREN JASMINE

We interrupted a pigeon picnic while we were on our way to Made by Lauren Jasmine cafe at 47 Amoy Street.
Not only you can eat there, but you can do some shopping upstairs! I love the brands Eclecticism carry. They have Minkpink, Free People, American Apparel. These are the awesome brands we see on ASOS and thought, hey that's a little expensive and we don't know if the clothes will fit. With Eclecticism now at Made by Lauren Jasmine and also Wheelock, I can now shop for my favourite brands physically *whoopeeeee*
In a sponsored Minkpink bottom

All in all, they've a lot of other cool stuff like shades, accessories, candles etc. Just add Made by Lauren Jasmine into your cafe hopping list and maybe you'll love them as much as I do cause the cakes (and the service) there are awesome!!!!!!!!!!!!


4. TRIANGL SWIMWEAR


What did I do to get this lucky?! I received two sets of Triangl swim wears and a set of underwear, courtesy of Triangl. Aaaaand now, I feel like purchasing a few more sets of underwear on my own!!!! They're awfully cool and comfortable! Australia has got a lot of lovely swimwear brands but they're all actually rather pricey and I think Triangl happens to fall in the rather comfortable range. If you look through Nastygal, the swim wears are all above $150 or so? So yeah, get yourself a Triangl today, hit the beach 2 weeks later, feeling like a boss in such a head-turning piece.



5. TANJONG BEACH CLUB

Nat's tiny waist
Because the dude at the back couldn't stop looking, Nat directed me to take the shot below hahahaha
I need to start doing something to get some abs, to be more defined. My body is indeed leaner now (than in the picture) with the help of SkinnyMint. I no longer bloat like usual during my menses, it's amazing. And yes, didn't think I'd lose anymore weight but I did. So a smart girl would wanna take advantage of such situation and get back on her exercise routine else it's all going to waste.


6. NEILL'S A COOK

The lovely thing about making friends from other countries is definitely, the cultural exchange. Neill, a Taiwanese model from my agency who got here 2 months ago decided to share his known hometown dish with us and it's delicious!!!
Perfecccccccct. If you ask "Irina, can you cook?"
I wouldn't know what to say to such question because everyone's definition of cooking capability seems to be different. If you're talking about cooking at Neill's level, then obviously hell no. But if you're talking about starting the fire successfully and whipping up an omelette, hell yeah Irina can cook! ;-)




OK I GUESS THAT'S ALL TO THIS UPDATE.
Hope my updates like this still interest you guys hehe.